I Am Who I Make Myself

Content warning.

Dread.

I don’t know

Who I am

Anymore

But I’m

Supposed to

Lean on

Someone

Else.

Family

Friends

Social workers

Counsellors

People

Animals

World

And sometimes

For a moment

Just this

To make the eyes

And ears

Focus:

So I can

Maybe forget

The comfortable

Empty

Numbness

Of nothingness

That sighs

Finally

And then

Nonconsiousness

At the worst part

Of a migraine

That cannot scream

Or cry anymore

And rearranges my spine

While I

Am not.

I’m not allowed to go back

Again

Again

Again

Again

Again

Again

Again

Ad

Nauseum

And contempt

And

Giving up

And coming back

To this

Again

Anymore.

Why do I

Keep

Getting up?